It's time to come clean...

I really didn't want to have to post about this, because let's face it...for the better part of a 4 months, the majority of my blog posts were about my ridiculous battle with weight.  However, it has come to my attention that I have a serious problem here.  I tortured myself to lose weight from April to September of 2010, and managed to lose a little less than 50 pounds while essentially starving.  Sounds absolutely crazy, but hell...it worked!

I got my insulin resistance under control, broke up with my bariatric doctor, and figured that I could go it alone on Weight Watchers.  I figured that if I could have enough restraint to not eat for 4 months, I could probably handle eating reasonably within a set daily points value.  Here I am, a little more than 8 months after rejoining the normal human beings who eat, and I've gained 20 of those almost 50 pounds back. 

I wanted to blog about this for a number of reasons:

1. Putting it in writing makes it real.  I think that I kept shrugging off the pound here or there thinking "Oh, it's okay.  Of course I'm going to gain a little weight!  I went from not eating to eating...it's totally natural!"  I don't think 20 pounds over 8 months is normal or natural.  I am not, afterall, with child.
2. Putting it in writing makes me take responsibility for my actions.  At first, I thought that I deserved to give myself some time off from dieting.  I deserved a slice of cheesecake, didn't I?  I mean, I worked SO hard!  I think that the problem was that I told myself that I would indulge on special occasons.  Well, let's just say I interpreted the meaning of "special occasion" extremely loosely.  I'm fairly certain that no one else would consider the last day of aunt flo's visit a "special occasion."
3. I need some serious accountability here.  I thought that doing Weight Watchers would be enough.  I didn't think I needed to go to the meetings.  Again...WRONG!  Apparently, my crazy mind works such that I require the accountability of standing on the scale and having someone judge me if I gain or don't lose.  Thus, I have started going to meetings.
4. I have every bit of support that I need, so what's the freaking problem???  Not only do I have several friends who are doing Weight Watchers, I even duped my fantastic husband into doing it.  Not only is he doing it, he's coming to meetings with me, and he's kind of a point counting nazi.  I've almost created a monster.
5. I think that saying all of this publicly (even if only 4 people read my blog) will hopefully help me recommit to this.  I firmly believe that I can do this.  If I could survive 4 months of starvation, I should be able to do this with my eyes closed!  I should be able to do ANYTHING!

So there it is, my recommitment to doing this.  My goal is to lose the weight that I've put on in 10 weeks.  That means that I need to lose an average of 2 pounds a week.  That's a pretty aggressive goal, but I think I can do it.  I also commit to telling you all about my progress.  I've noticed that when I have a good week, I'm eager to share it.  When I have a bad week, I keep my fingers crossed that no one asks.  I guess it'll be good for me to just own it (good or bad)

So here's what you've missed since I started the WW journey again:

Week 1: down 2.7
Week 2: down 2
Week 3: up 7.6 (thanks a lot, VEGAS!...)
Week 4: down 4.6 (thanks mom, for making me eat nothing but veggies for a week :)
Week 5: down 2
Week 6: up 4.6 (Thanks a lot L.A.)

For those of you keeping track, that means in 6 weeks, I'm roughly nowhere.  Might as well start with a clean slate.

I'm about to kick it into high gear.  Wish me some luck!