Weight Loss FAIL.

In my first week off of the crazy 700 calorie diet, I made a lot of what we would call "poor choices".  Don't get me wrong, I stayed within my points (my daily 26 + the 35 flex points) BUT, if I learned anything from the last 5 months, it's not how much you eat, it's WHAT you eat.  Apparently, once I stop paying someone to tell me what to do, I act like a Catholic schoolgirl in Cancun on Spring Break.  In other words, I had zero self-control.

The week started off pretty good.  My first major slip up involved my number one favorite thing to eat: Almonds.  I had absolutely no idea how little the serving size was, but when all was said and done, I had eaten 22 points worth of almonds in one sitting!  The rest of the day was filled with Salad and Salsa for the dressing.  Right after that, I had a major slip up.  My coworker brought in pumpkin donuts.  There are very few things in this world that I like more than anything pumpkin.  It was more than I could resist.  I ate 20 points worth of pumpkin donut.  I stayed within my points that day too.  I ate a lot of WW soup.  The following day was my friend MG's bachelorette party.  It seems like I ate my body weight in gyro meat but I thought I'd be fine because I had flex points left.

Today, I had my first WW weigh in.  I gained .6 lbs.  Yeah, that's not terrible.  It's not good either.  I know I need to make better choices and I think I've committed to doing that from this point on.  I had a long talk with my friend SG about it during our walk home at 4am from Power and Light.  She reminded me of all the things that I used to do that I guess I need to get into the habit of doing again.  Substitutions, in particular.

So, here's to re-committing and making better choices.  I sure hope I have a bit of success this week.  I was pretty sad about the gain.

6 years feels like 6 decades as far as I'm concerned.

Today I blog from underneath a fuzzy blanket on my sofa at almost 2pm, still in my pajamas.  Last night was MG's bachelorette party. In a word, it was "Epic."  Note that I capitalized the work "Epic." Yeah. That should communicate to you how serious this event was.  It deserves Title Caps.

As I look down at my hands as I type, I can see the tell tale sign of a person who went to a lot of bars last night.  My wrist is encircled with the neon orange wrist band from the KC Live Trolley. The back of my hand is mottled with the entry stamps of a couple different bars. However, let's face it; I'm just not 25 anymore.  I'm 31. (Eww)  I haven't had alcohol in almost 6 months but decided to have a few drinks last night.  The result was not the carefree fun or guaranteed good times of my early to mid 20's.  Basically, it made my tummy hurt and I felt like I got a hangover immediately.  Fast forward to today and I feel like my body absolutely hates me and the world is punishing me for something equivalent to clubbing a baby seal.  In summary, I don't feel great.

I was struck by the marked difference in celebrating a bachelorette party now as opposed to when I was 25.  There is a box of bachelorette goodies that has been passed down in our group of friends from girl to girl.  With each new bachelorette party, the box gets more and more full with new obnoxious penis themed things.  Straws, necklaces, sippy cups....you name it, we have it in that box.  I picked up the box from the last bachelorette and SG and I started to go through it.  She basically said "Man, this stuff was a lot cooler when we were 25."  This was especially funny because I'm the oldest of the group.  The rest of the group is either 28 or 29.  If they felt that way just 3-4 years later, imagine how I felt 6 years later. 

The feeling of excitement to be with a group of girls who are toting around inappropriate bachelorette gear and most likely a veil with birth control laced into it or a sparkly tiara and sash seems to be replaced by a feeling of uneasiness that people will judge us for being immature and ridiculous.  The good news is that we all still look young (of course) and that really, it's probably all just in our heads. *phew*

When KT gets the 495 pics of her camera, I'll supply you with some visual aids.  In the meantime, here are some memorable quotes:

JE: "Is it me, or are songs really super sexual these days?  I mean, it makes me uncomfortable."
SG: "OMG. There's a hobbit at this bar."
SG: "I'm pretty sure that's the guy that kills girls in Aruba.  Don't leave KT alone with him."
AA: "That lady could totally take you.  And, there's nothing any of us could do to stop her either.  Good thing you apologized so sincerely"
KT: "Ewww, I wouldn't want to reside in anyone's dirty, poopy bum"
JE: "KT, you take offense to that?? Everything out of your mouth tonight has been totally more offensive than that."
KT: "What do you expect? It's a bachelorette party!!"
MG: "Congratulations, you guys got me totally hammered drunk.  That never happens.  I'm never the drunk one.
AA: "Sometimes my people are embarassing."
JE: "You know it's girl's night when one of your clan finds the deeper spiritual meaning in the nerd sitting next to you."
KT: "So, you're embarassed about the bachelorette goods now, but by the time I get married at 40, we'll be old and won't care anymore and we'll all wear all of it!"
SG: "Every trolley on the KC Night Life tour is a unique experience.  This one: Smells Illegal."
MG: "Let's go wherever those other bachelorettes don't go. They all look like Katy Perry.

"I've been dying to tell you..."

Many of you have had he distinct pleasure of meeting my dad.  He's probably one of the funniest people to ever walk the planet.  Not because he tries to be...oh no...but because he actually has no idea how damn funny he is.  One day, when I perfect my cartooning skillz, I will illustrate the Woodchuck story in its entirety.  This is story of such epic proportions, that it's probably only fair I start paying my dad royalties when I tell it and cause people to laugh so hard they cry.

For the time being, I'm just going to share a little tale of awesomeness that was dropped on me courtesy of my dad recently.  Many of you know that my mom has been in India for several weeks now.  Usually, my dad tries to entertain himself by going to friends' homes, going to the movies, going out to eat, etc.  In fact, the other day he told me that he crashed a University of Michigan Alumni dinner because he felt that he spent enough money at that university, and the least they could do was buy him dinner.  But, I digress...

In my mom's absence, my dad has taken to watching dumb television.  Last week, when I spoke to him on the phone, he told me he had been dying to talk to me about what he saw on the MTV video music awards.  Apparently, Lady Gaga (who's CD he owns and has frequent rotation in his car) was wearing a dress made entirely of meat.  He felt that she should not have been allowed on television wearing that monstrosity.
 
Fast forward to today.  This is an actual conversation we had on the phone. (I think you'll enjoy it more if you read the dad parts with a wicked Indian accent):

*Phone rings*
Me: hello?
Dad: *sounding very urgent* Hi, Arti. Are you in a meeting right now?
Me: No, not in a meeting, but I'm at work.
Dad: *sounding relieved* Oh, that's okay.  This won't take long.  I couldn't resist calling you!
Me: *sort of worried* Why?  Is everything okay?  What's up??
Dad: I got an alert from CNN.  That Lady Gaga...man, what a train wreck...they're turning her meat dress into beef jerky.  Can you believe that?  They're going to put it in a museum.  Man, this country is crazy.
Me:  Are you serious?  That's why you're calling?
Dad: Yeah.  Isn't that crazy?
Me: Yeah. It is. Crazy.

Sometimes I wish my dad had a TV show.  I feel selfish for not sharing his hilarity with the world.

I did, in fact, WANT to look like a cartoon.

A couple days ago, I decided that it was time to get my hair cut off.  For as long as I can remember (at least several years) I've been trying to grow my hair out.  For those of you who haven't had the distinct pleasure of meeting my mom, she's blessed with incredibly thick, straight, jet-black hair.  Before she had to shave her head for Chemo, it was shin-length.  I'm talking, she could walk around with no clothes on and still be completely modest...that's the kind of hair she has.

It's not the first time I've mentioned that I lost the genetic lottery. This is just one of the hundreds of reasons why I feel that way.  My hair is thin enough to wrap a small hair tie around it 6 times.  It's also mad curly and grows at a snails pace.  While I know that some people out there think I'm prone to exaggeration,  in this instance, that is not the case.

Let's just say that after growing my hair out for years, and having it finally down to the middle of my back, the experience was, well....anti-climactic.  It didn't even look good.  It was too thin to have layers in it so it was essentially just flat to my head.  The added weight didn't help me have any volume either.

In an effort to liven things up a little, to add some volume, and have my hair look healthier in general, I decided to chop it off.  Now to the tricky stuff....to find a new 'do.  I thought about it long and hard and decided to browse Google images.  I Googled the phase "Short hair for round faces".  This just goes to show how absolutely awesome Google is.  One of the very first pictures that came up was from one of my absolute favorite Pixar films "Monsters vs. Aliens".  I've always thought I really liked the main character, Susan's hair.  I just never thought to use a cartoon character as my muse for a hairstyle.  Go figure.  I think it turned out pretty close, personally.

 Here's a side by side comparison.  I think Susan pulls it off better, but I don't think it's too bad.  Besides, from what I hear, no matter how crappy your haircut, the good news is that it'll grow back.  Words to live by :)

I want to quit the gym!!!

Unless you've been living under a large boulder for the last decade or so, chances are, you've probably seen this episode of Friends.  Chandler has been trying to quit the gym for months but the damn people at the fitness club sure don't make it easy, do they?  In an effort to help his buddy out, Ross tries to accompany Chandler to the gym and ensure that he's able to get out of his membership.  What ends up happening?  The lady with the barely there unitard tricks Ross into getting a membership too. 

I was pretty worried today when I went to the bariatric doctor.  I was fearful that something similar would happen to me.  The fact is, I needed to break up with my doctor.  Not because it hasn't worked or I'm giving up, by any means...  The truth is, it's just really flippin' expensive and with an extra car payment and closing on our house, we're trying to cut back.  I think the 800-1000 bucks I spend at the doctor would come in handy when we're settling into our new home, buying major appliances and a crapload of furniture. 

They took it pretty well.  Of course they tried to guilt me into coming still.  And, I'll be honest, I gave in.  What we landed on is that I'm going to do my thing and have a check-in in 6 weeks to see if I've lost, or gained, or stayed the same.  For that six weeks, I'm going to try something that I've tried TWICE already but with limited success.

That being said, I've decided that I'll rejoin Weight Watchers.  It didn't work that awesome for me the first or second time around because I had that pesky insulin resistance issue.  Now that I've lost over 40 pounds and my insulin is in check, it should work for me just like it would work for anyone else.  (Here's hoping anyway.  At least my fingers and toes are crossed...) $39.99 for the monthly pass seems like a pretty great bargain, and let's face it, after the anorexia with a prescription, WW is going to seem like a dream come true.  I'm hopeful that I'll make the right choices.  Lord knows I don't want the last 4 months of pain and suffering to be for nothing.

So, while I won't have updates regarding my starvation diet, I sure hope I have some fun milestones to share with ya'll regarding weight loss due to Weight Watchers.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!