Snowpocalypse 2010 (AKA Snowmageddon 2010 or Snowicane 2010)

Life isn't fair.  I'm supposed to be on a plane right now.  A plane headed to NYC so I could celebrate a multitude of birthdays.  That of two of my best friends, my sister-in-law and my one and only godson's very first birthday.  Why am I not on a plane right now, you ask?  Because on the East Coast, they cancel flights when there's a slight breeze or someone violently sneezes nearby.

This is what my itinerary included for the weekend, had a snow storm NOT ruined my life:

• Land at 11pm tonight, stay at my best friend's place and stay up till an unreasonable hour and wake up at the butt-crack of dawn when my adorable godson wakes up.
• Go to lunch with my ex-CEO's father on Friday afternoon. He's basically my favorite guy over 65 on the planet and for some strange reason, he thinks I'm entertaining (or as he calls it, "odd") so he makes time for me whenever I'm in town.  When I left NYC, he gave me the gift of a 300BC Western Asiatic Copper Spear from his personal art collection with a note that said not to stab anyone with it.  How cool is he? 
• Celebrate my awesome Sister-in-laws birthday at my husband's parents house on Friday night.  Birthday fiestas in Fair Lawn, NJ always include pizza slices the size of my head and carvel ice cream cake.  Who doesn't love that?
• Meeting up with one of my other dearest friends from MI who was flying to NYC to celebrate her birthday
• Mani/Pedis on Saturday, dinner with a gaggle of folks, and a joint birthday party for my sissy-in-law and dear friend from MI at one of the coolest places in NYC.  Yes, and we were getting bottle service.  For the top reasons that's cool, see this post...
• My one and only godson's one and only very 1st birthday party. This one REALLY breaks my heart.  I was so sure I'd get to go and he'd start walking this weekend.  This is the reason I bought my ticket 3 months ago.  I'm hoping he holds off on walking till I get to see him in March.  How badass would that be?  I'm also hoping that he knows how to say my name by then...  I have high hopes for that kid :)

This is what I'll be doing instead:

• Converting Oxygen to Carbon Dioxide.
• Returning some boots that don't fit.
• Laundry.
• Cleaning.

Yeah, you'd be bitter if you were me too.  Stupid effing snow storm!!!  Grrrrrr!

The Unit (commonly referred to as Mom and Dad)

I'm extremely close to my parents. Sure, I felt like they were comparable to some of the most notorious dictators of our time when I was in my angsty teen years, but really, who didn't feel that way at some point in their tumultous teens? After I went to college, there was a distinct change in the way they treated me. Suddenly, they weren't subscribing to their typical "helicopter" parenting style, in which they were all up in my grill about pretty much everything. One weekend I came home from college, and as usual, I wanted to meet up with all my old high school friends. Rather than demand I be home by the time the street lights came on, my dad simply asked, "Are you coming home tonight?"

I couldn't believe my ears. I'm sorry,what? Am I coming home tonight? Is not coming home an option? When I looked at him incredulously, he elegantly stated, "Well Arti, we certainly can't tell you what to do when you're away at college and we can't keep an eye on you there...Why bother here. I mean, we just have to sit back and hope that we did a decent enough job as parents and hope we don't end up disappointed..." Well said, I think. But something about the way he said it and the fact that all of a sudden I was a grown up...it resonated with me. All of a sudden, they were trusting me. It felt a little bit like the apocalypse...only slightly less scary. My parents have high expectations so not disappointing them isn't as easy as one might think. That was a lot of pressure at the time, people.

Needless to say, I think I did an alright job in avoiding major disappointments. Over the years, I've enjoyed the rewards of having two of the funniest indivudals as parents. I mean, I don't even think they know how hilarious they are. They're epically funny without the slightest bit of effort. Some people have heard me lament about how I'm missing the parenting gene. The more I think about it, the more I think it's less that than it is the terrifying prospect of living up to their standard of parenting. They're really a tough act to follow...

I sometimes take for granted that my parents are going to be around forever. I've already realized that it's parallel to an ostrich sticking its head in the sand. An ostrich does that when it feels threatened because it thinks "Hmm, something scary is happening. Maybe if I stick my head in the sand and I can't see it...it doesn't exist." Unfortunately, this ostrich has had its head yanked out of the sand twice; first when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer*, and once again right after New Years.

Today, dear readers, I blog from the side of a hospital bed in Dearborn, MI. My dad has an unusual stress test, which led the doctors to do some sort of weird ink-in-the-veins** 3D scan of his heart. This too, was inconclusive... so today they did a catheterization to figure out if it was something more serious. Here's the good news: It's not.

Regardless, even the thought of ever losing either parent is enough to send my blood pressure into the stratosphere. So, for now, this ostrich is goin' under again. But before I go, I just really had to share some gems from my dad that he said right before they took him into the procedure room (please note that he was loopy on Xanex)

Today is Ash Wednesday...therefore there are a smattering of medical professionals here that have the ash cross on their foreheads, including the lady wheeling him around. I went in to wish him good luck and tell him I love him. He looks at me with his glassy eyes and a goofy grin and asks "Arti, do you know that that is?" Please picture him repeatedly making the sign of the cross on his forehead in a crazy fashion. So I told him that, Yes, I did know what it was. So he said, "ARTI...DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS???" Still frantically making the sign of the cross. I told him again that I did. He starts laughing maniacally and says "Good. Me too."

He then proceeded to ask me if I was friends with the Internet.

The nurse asked him if he was wearing any jewelery. At this point, he gets a goofy look on his face again and says, "No jewelery...just the family jewels."

True story, you can't make this shit up.

*She's totally in remission now and healthier than ever. P.S. never watch "The Family Stone" if you're dealing with a mother diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It will ruin your life.

**Yes, this is a completely accepted medical term. I'm Indian so I'm practically a doctor anyway.

It's a LOVE marriage!!

In honor of the impending Valentine's day holiday and the 5-year marker of when I met the love of my life, I thought it was fitting to dedicate a post to him. For those of you who know and love Sid, you know that he's pretty much the nicest guy to ever walk the planet. Yes, he comes in a menacing package...but really, as cliche as it sounds, he's a big brown teddy bear.

The title of this post might seem odd to most people.  Allow me to explain... 

I'm Indian.  My parents are Indian.  They have an arranged marriage.  Most Indian people of a certain age have an arranged marriage.  The concept of finding love... REAL love...and actually being allowed to marry them in non-dramatic, Bollywood movie-inspired fashion is like a mythical creature...a unicorn, if you will. In fact, I recall when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2006, I wanted to cancel my wedding all together, rather than postponing it.  We were getting married in Vegas anyway...there was no reason for additional stress when my mom was using all her strength to battle Cancer.  When I brought up the prospect of cancelling the big Indian wedding, my dad said, "Arti, are you CRAZY?!  You will have a LOVE marriage...we need to CELEBRATE!  It's a rare and beautiful thing..." 

It really is...

In a serendipitous twist of fate, Sudhir and I came into contact 5 years ago.  I was in the midst of my man-hating phase because I'd been dissed by a plethora men.  My parents were convinced that I was a lesbian, or as my dad referred to it: "One of those Ellen Chicks".  The story of how Sudhir and I met is long and convoluded, but the Cliff's Notes version is as follows:

Girl lives in KC | Girl meets Boy who lives in NJ on internet | Girl flies out to meet boy | Girl and Boy have a perfectly splendid evening including dinner & theatre | Girl and Boy decide they are better off as friends | Boy introduces Girl to his Brother* | Girl and Brother live happily ever after.

Our courtship was brief by most people's standards.  We started talking 2/15/05.  We met in person the first time 3/23/05, he proposed 9/16/05.  SG would have you believe that the velocity at which our relationship progressed was "cultural".  I disagree.  I think that when you know, you know.  Even some friends that were concerned that I was rushing into things...they ended up eating their words after spending any substantial amount of time with him.  Case in point: SG dropped me off at the airport in KC when I was flying out to NYC to meet Sid for the very first time.  This is an actual conversation:

Me:  *hugging SG and leaving a brown faceprint on her beautiful cream colored coat*  Sarah, I really think I'm gonna marry this one.  I just know it...
SG: Simmer down, psycho...why don't you wait till you're at least in the same room for the first time.

And now, SG is one of Sid's biggest fans.  It's hard not to love the guy...it really is.

Every girl has a checklist in their head of qualities that they think the man of their dreams should posess.  Ladies, listen up: Love isn't about checking items off a checklist.  You could take a man, give him all those qualities...but if it's not there, it's not there...You simply can't force it.

Sudhir has crossed off items on a checklist that I would have never even thought to construct.  He's the man who makes me laugh till I cry, and will tolerate me crying till I laugh. He puts up with more than any man should, honestly. He thinks that my annoying quirks are cute. He tolerates my OCD about symmetry, my shopping addiction, my inability to let him use vocabulary incorrectly, and my stubborn nature.  He doesn't push me to talk when I've had a bad day.  He's happy to sit in silence and just watch TV that he's probably horrified to be watching (think Golden Girls Marathon) He loves, without question, the people that I love.  He makes them his...he makes the effort...he's thoughtful and kind.

I often wonder how I got so lucky.  There are probably a lot of women on God's green earth who are more deserving of the treasure that is Sudhir.  But...he picked me.  I'll never understand why, but as my mom would say, "I probably did something really good in my last lifetime..."
 
I love you, babe.

*I will most likely never be able to repay my now brother-in-law for hooking us up. Although, I suppose if he needs a kidney and I'm a match, that might even the score a little.

A shot of truth serum...(Veritaserum)

I like to give my friend's birthday celebrations fun festival-themed names like mine...therefore, in 2004, when I met SG, her birthday quickly became dubbed "Sarah-thon".  Our birthdays have typically been celebrated together, but this year, we took a departure and had separate festivities, only a short 7 days apart.  First, let me start by saying that it's clear to me that I'm too old to have two bingers in one week.  Second of all, we must hit that threshold at 31, because at 29, SG clearly has not hit it as of yet.  She did us all proud by getting obliterated two weekends in a row.  God bless youth.

Given that pretty much the same group of people gathered for both occasions (sans the NYC cousins...we missed you though!), we started to spot a trend...  SG likes to "be honest" when she's drunk.  Maybe we all get a little looser with what we say when intoxicated...the part that struck me the most was the fear with which people anticipated said honesty.  It was almost like "Uh oh, maybe it's time for a bathroom break...SG looks like she's about to come over and give me a shot of truth serum..."  Almost like it was tantamount to getting the H1N1 vaccine or something.

Don't get me wrong, nothing she said to anyone was really mean OR upsetting.  In fact, every single comment she made to anyone was out a genuine concern for that person's well being.  SG is one of the most caring people I know, so I wouldn't expect anything less.  What it all boiled down to for me is that it's odd how friends who clearly love each other don't feel comfortable enough talking about that stuff completely sober on a Tuesday.  Under those circumstances, the same thing would be deemed "a heart-to-heart". 

As friends, it's obvious we care about one another.  Maybe something about adding social lubricant makes the intrusion more tolerable, or we feel that people will forgive us for what we say.  I like to operate under the assumption that people will forgive me for being blunt, because they know that I'm only saying what I'm saying because I care.  Maybe that's why I didn't get a shot of the truth serum either night. If I'm blunt with someone, they feel at ease being blunt with me. It's called reciprocity :)

Actual conversation between SG and JE as SG delivered a shot of the truth serum and JE dished it back:
SG: I think you need to get a babysitter more often and let us babysit Ben.
JE:  Well, I think you should be nicer to your mom.

So there.

Arti Gras 2010: the final frontier...

Well, since half the people on my "Blogs You Should Read" list have blogged about it, I guess it's only fitting that I do too.  I think it's safe to say that when Arti Gras went out, it went out with a BANG!  20 of my friends, 1400 dollars and 5 liters of booze, a man that looked like Jesus with a polar bear shrug, some Belgian kissing bandits, I mean...this party had damn near EVERYTHING!

I gotta say, this was a FUN evening!  From the delicious dinner at Gordon Biersch to the Babycakes cupcakes, to the VIP style bar experience, I was pretty happy with the way the evening went down.  Since  SS and JE have covered the highlights, I'll try to fill you in on the other stuff.

First things first, I'm almost embarassed by how badly I underestimated the sheer volume of alcohol my friends/family can consume.  Angels Rock Bar requires a 2 bottle minimum for a table.  The cheapest bottle is about 2 Benjis.  I thought to myself, "Okay, 2 liters of alcohol and about 500 bucks divided by 15 people or so....that's not too bad." I was actually worried that we wouldn't be able to get through the 2 liters in the amount of time we had to drink it.  So much so, that I was upset when I saw people in my posse drinking beers that were clearly purchased at the bar.  Anyhoooo, turns out, not only did we finish 2 liters of booze in less than 1 hour, we then plowed through 3 more, plus a bottle of champagne.  I was impressed.

My friend, JE promised she'd act like a 21 yr old so that was cool.  I got to see her husband use her leg as a guitar, which pretty much made my night.  I also got to see her almost jump a girl (a la the dream sequence in Mean Girls).  SG did her usual thing of "being honest" which never fails to provide good stories for the day after. My cousin Avi somehow sliced his hand open and had blood all over his brand new white shirt from banana.  And this is the best part:  He had NO idea when/how that happened.  As a tip, dear readers, don't drink so much alcohol that you fail to notice a sharp searing pain, followed by an unreasonable amount of blood loss.  Just a thought.  After that, we almost got into a Jets vs. Sharks like rumble because some guy accidentally took (or purposefully stole) Avi's coat.  Good news though, Sid's cousin Shween is a lawyer so she used her SAT words to calm the police down. 

Flash forward to 3:30am, it turns out that everyone came back to our place for the after party.  Here's what I remember.  My cousin Roman helping me bandage Avi's bloody paw, Shween teaching a group of people how to do the "stanky leg", Sudhir acting the DJ and playing "Do the Stanky Leg" A LOT, and loudness.  I blew up all the air mattresses I own and made our living room look like a refugee camp.  We stayed up till the sun came up and overall, I'd say it was a sucess.  Sure, it had some rough patches...but overall, it was a ROCKIN' good time.