To say that I sucked at blogging in 2012 would be an understatement. I really had every intention of being positive and blogging about fun and funny things. As you can see, I basically had 2 or 3 posts and that was that.
Oddly enough, that wasn't due to lack of material to write about. It really had more to do with the fact that 2012 felt almost too personal to talk about to what may be complete strangers. Now that it's all in my rear view mirror, I feel a bit better about sharing the highlights.
I literally began the year in one of the worst funks of my life. After what felt like an eternity of trying to get pregnant, I essentially gave up. The injections, hormones and treatments were more than I could handle and at the end of the day, I wasn't strong enough to commit to an undefined number of months more of it. After much soul searching and discussion with the hubs, we decided that it didn't matter if we had a biological child. We wanted to be parents...plain and simple. There's more than one way to skin a cat, so we looked into adoption. To make a long story short, adopting a baby is about as easy as flapping your wings with two grocery bags strapped to each arm to fly. Translation: virtually impossible.
We made our peace with the fact that it might just be the two of us forever. It didn't sound so bad. The hubs and I genuinely like each other. We figured if we weren't meant to have children, we would just take fancy vacations and drive nice cars. Luckily, I have a friend (you know who you are...) who convinced me to give it one last try. We made our peace with things so we didn't have anything to lose. We tried her doctor and got pregnant on the very first try!
Pregnancy was a scary thing for me. I don't get those women who prance around saying how much they love being pregnant. I did NOT love being pregnant. It was uncomfortable, painful, scary, and hard. I had a condition that caused my hips to pop in and out of place, making walking so hard, I had to use a walker for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes, eliminating my ability to eat whatever the heck I felt like. I cried what felt like a lot...for no apparent reason. I figure if my marriage can survive that 10 months, we're pretty solid.
So despite 2012 starting terribly, I learned a lot. Here's some of the highlights:
Stuff has a way of working itself out, even if it's hard to make peace with it at the time. I sincerely believe that part of the reason that things worked out for us the last time we tried fertility treatment is that we had made peace with it either way. It really takes the pressure off.
Moms really make everything better. I always say that my mom is like a magical creature (like a unicorn) that has the ability to make me feel better no matter what. I can't wait to be a unicorn for my son...
You don't actually forget how hard pregnancy and childbirth are. People who say that are crazy. However, people are actually right...it's all worth it.
Sudhir and I make cute babies. You don't think I'd make such a bold statement without proof, do you? Evidence below:
Your priorities really DO change after you have a baby. I was worried that I'd go nuts without going to work and would constantly obsess over what I was missing while I was on maternity leave. I've been on maternity leave for well over a month, and I gotta say...I'm totally indifferent about it. I don't think about it much at all. If we were independently wealthy, I might even consider not going back.
So overall, 2012 was probably both the worst year and the best year for me. Started out craptastic and ended up bringing me the greatest joy I've ever experienced. I hope that 2013 continues to be joyful and happy...
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