The Pursuit of Happiness

I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately.  This is probably a result of the last several weeks that I spent at a new job, in a new industry.  It was a lot like going to war for the second time.  It was intense, it was familiar, and it gave me flashbacks to a much unhappier time in my life.  Most people who know me know the whole story.  Indulge me however, in pretending that maybe one or two complete strangers read my blog.  Unlikely, I know...

In 2005, I picked up and moved from Kansas City to NYC for love.  I worked for a a small company in the financial industry.  That company was wildly successful.  As a result, I made a lot of money.  More money than I thought possible, in fact.  One might think that such success would bring about a great deal of happiness.  Instead, it took a toll on my health, brought me stress beyond belief, ungodly work hours, and a strain on my marriage.  Not exactly what I signed up for.  After 3.5 years of overwork, I came to a really unsettling conclusion as I was waiting to cross the street to get to the train station.  The sign said "Don't Walk."  A bus was coming.  You know things are bad when you consider stepping out in front of the bus so that you don't have to go to work that day.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suicidal or anything.  I just figured I'd get a week off at least if I was maimed by a bus.  It dawned on me:  I was wasting what should have been the best years of my life busting my ass so that I didn't disappoint a bunch of people who didn't really care if my marriage was okay or not. 

My dad is a really wise man.  He said "Don't be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."  Genious.  Anyway, to make a really long story short, I decided that in order to reclaim my life, I needed to quit my job, and try to leave the god forsaken east coast.  This was no small task.  We had bought a condo at the height of the market.  If anyone recalls what life was like around 2009, that was pretty close to the pit for real estate.  It didn't matter.  I wanted out.  As a result of quitting my job, and not selling the house for 6 months, plus selling it at a price that caused us to drop all the cash we had in our savings, we moved to KC with nothing but our belongings, cat, and some debt since we had to pay for our move with credit cards.  We also were armed with a valuable lesson:  money does not buy happiness. 

The job I took was for less than a quarter of what I was making in NYC.  It didn't matter though.  I worked with awesome people, the work was easy...and on most days, I'd get home, work out, cook dinner, and eat dessert before 6:30pm.  I almost didn't know what to do with myself.  A year and a half passed and all was well for the most part.  Enter a new job opportunity.  It was everything I had ever hoped for in a job.  Way more money, the potential to hire my own team, it was in an exciting industry...and in one that was accessible to everyone.  I let myself be lured away because it seemed too good to be true.

It, of course, was.

I just wrapped up what can only be considered a 30 day experiment.  In that 30 days, I worked every evening, every weekend, and accomplished more in 30 days than in 4 months at most jobs.  I pretty much knew on day 3 that I had made a mistake.  I should have known better.  I'm smart enough to know that if a company has kegs, pool tables, and fooseball, they're trying to make it fun because you live there.  And boy, did I.  Like anyone has time to play pool or ping pong.  Christ, I barely had time to correct people when they called me Arty.  So while maybe I made the same mistake I did at my previous company in NYC, I give myself credit.  It took me 3.5 years to get out then.  It took me 30 days this time.  I'd say my average is considerably better. 

At first, I was so horrifically embarassed.  I left my old company on a euphoric cloud of excitement, basically shouting from the rooftops how awesome my new gig was going to be.  I felt like such a failure.  Then I realized something...if I hadn't tried it, I would never have known that it was completely the wrong fit for me.  I would have always wondered what it would have been like.  Now I know.  I also have to say...I'm so glad I did this just to remind myself how happy I was before with what I had.  You don't know how good you have it until it's gone.

I have a friend who said something really profound.  She said, "At some point, you just have to be happy with what you have because it's enough."  Deep, huh?  If you really think about it, people always seem to be striving for more.  There was study out there that claimed that everyone always thinks they'd be happy if they made 15% more than they currently do.  That's a vicious cycle because you're always just out of reach of happiness.  If the last 30 days have taught me anything, it's that my arms are tired and they're tired of reaching.  Life is too short, and frankly, I've got a lot to be happy about already.  Why continue to chase the rabbit?

So here's to lessons learned, to being happy with what we have, and for working to live and not living to work.

Let's hope that the reduced work hours will lead to an increased frequency of blogging :)

I'm so very back.