The Facebook Dilemma

In many ways, I'm super thankful for the wonders of Facebook with all its social networking goodness.  In other ways, it often annoys the crap out of me and causes me tons of stress.  The other day, I was watching some weird news special on "The Facebook Effect" on CNBC and it struck me how much this website has changed our lives.  Some of it is good, some of it is bad, and some of it is downright ugly.  Let's explore, shall we?

The Good...
Facebook has reunited me with tons of people who I would have otherwise forgotten exist.  In many cases, that's a good thing.  I often see a status update on an old friend and smile to myself because it reminds of me of them and their hilarity.  I may even see some news that I feel lucky to know (i.e. they bought a house, got engaged, got married, got divorced, are pregnant, etc.)  It seems like Facebook is a great way to get advice on something, to advertise something that you're trying to get rid of or sell, and to communicate to the masses important things about your life.  At first, the number of "friends" I had made me feel like I was pretty cool.  Oh, you only have 67 friends?  I have 429.  Snap.

The Bad...
While it's nice to have an outlet to the important people in your life, sometimes I'm offended that I have to find out something important from a good friend via Facebook.  I know for a fact that there are people who get ticked when they find out things about me via Facebook.  Case in point, the fact that I quit my job (that's a pretty recent example). 

I feel bad turning down someone's request to connect with me on Facebook.  As a result, there are people on my list that I have no desire to be in contact with.  I didn't like you in jr. high...why would I care to hear that you're hungry or whatever your mundane status updates are going to tell me about you?  Also as a result, people I barely know or care to know seem to have the ability to see lots of information about me.  In fact, I think I might go ahead and lighten the number of "friends" I have on FB.  If I haven't seen or talked to you in over 2 years, you might get axed.  Sorry.

Another one of my FB pet peeves is that it seems like I can't have a conversation with a person in real life (face to face - sharing air space) without them having to check FB at least twice on their mobile device.  Maybe I'm just uninteresting.  I'll try to work on that.

This probably isn't a problem for most people.  However, I do not like having to deal with the fact that a large population of my family is my friend on the FB.  I can't control what people say on my wall, and I personally don't like have to censor what I want to say.  This seems to be a necessary evil though.  You can't control that I'm friends with my 12 year old neices or my aunties in India. 

Lastly, I hear that it's downright impossible to extricate yourself from the web of Facebook if you decide to leave it.  You have to face the social blackmailing of seeing which of your friends will miss you.  You have to delete all your photos one by one.  You have to confirm your decision not once, but thrice!

The Ugly...
I've had some of my friends lose jobs over things they've posted on FB, thinking no one was ever going to find out.  FB changes their security settings more frequently than Lindsay Lohan changes her hair color.  One of my friends thought that since she wasn't friends with anyone at work, she could say that she was going to Key West (instead of being sick...which is what she told her manager)  What ensued was a convoluded mixture of strange security settings, a devious coworker, and a print out of my friend's profile page with status included.  Eeek. 

More recently, I've had a bit of an issue myself.  I have a friend from High School that I've slowly drifted apart from over the years.  I'm not particularly close to her husband.  I barely know the guy.  Through being his friend on Facebook, my perception of him is that he's socially inept and somewhat judgemental.  He said something recently on my wall that was super offensive. I deleted the comment, obsessed over whether I should unfriend him, resigned myself to the fact that unfriending him would be "unkind", and chose to send him a message to ask him to please not post offensive things on my wall.  I basically said that it was awkward because I'm friends with coworkers and family and I know he's just trying to be funny, but I'd rather not deal with it.  Instead of writing me back, or apologizing, or just saying nothing and altering his behavior...he unfriended me!  It seriously upset me so much, that I had trouble sleeping.  Not because I'm particularly torn up about the fact that he no longer wants to be my friend.  Hell, we weren't really "friends" in real life.  It was more that the act of unfriending me felt really personal.  And especially odd, because I thought I handled it pretty well. I was friendly, straight forward, and personable.  Also, I'm confused because I'm still friends with his wife. How awkward is it gonna be when I go over to their house?  Why does someone who doesn't know me at all have such a pointed disdain for me?  Upsetting.

Conclusion:
Facebook is good sometimes.  It's bad sometimes.  It's downright ugly sometimes.  However, I can't imagine life without it.  I guess it's just a necessary evil, and I'll have to alter my usage in order to minimize it's negative impact on my life.