Don't get me wrong, anytime I can spend a day with friends and loved ones is a good one! However, I had some seriously epic plans for this birthday. It was going to be a day of relaxing, fine dining, and cocktails. Sounds awesome, right? Yeah, in theory it was awesome. However, things didn't go quite as planned...
My friends flew in from Michigan on Friday night and we headed to the Flying Saucer to partake in their ridiclous beer selection. That part went well. It was one of my friend's birthday celebrations so her crew met up with us there. It was a good group of people. We happened to be there on a night were the UFO club celebrity had his red plate unveiling. In case you're unaware, having a red plate means that you've consumed 1400 unique beers. The guy was wearing a tux (no joke) with red accents to commemmorate the momentous occasion.
Also noteworthy; near the end of the evening, I see the hubs talking to some seriously sketchy looking individuals. I should have known by the cowboy hat, tattooed necks and arms, and sunglasses at 12:30am that these were most likely celebrities of some sort. I ask my friend who those guys are because the hubs had a look of pure joy on his face that paralleled the look of joy he had when we got married. Turns out, he's talking to the drummer from Pantera. My friend's husband turns to me and says, "how the eff does Sid know the name and face of the drummer from Pantera??" My only response was that if he could use his powers for good instead of evil, he could probably be a surgeon or something. Anyway, it made Sid's night. The entire ride home, in a haze of 13% alcohol beer, he kept saying "OMG, I can't believe I met the drummer from Pantera. I feel like a 13 year old girl!" I can only imagine that sentence could be completed with "...who met Justin Bieber for the first time..." My favorite part of the evening was when my friend CF asked me who Sudhir was talking to and I said that it was the drummer from Pantera, and she responded "What's Pantera?" Ah, to be young...
Fast forward to Saturday morning: Em and I head to The Cafe for brunch. Brunch was fun, the food was delicious. We head over to The Spa Tuscano for the official start of Arti Gras 2011. In my head, we were going to have this awesome space to hang out in, with cupcakes, champagne, and snacks. We'd be able to come and go from this room at our leisure. They have a room with 3 large hot tubs that we would also get to use (come and go) at our leisure. Not so much what happened in reality, though. First thing is that I'm almost 100% sure that I found this spa off of spafinder.com. Come to find out that they don't even take spafinder gift cards! Lame. Then it turns out that they somehow accidentally cancelled my friend SS's facial and could only fit her in an hour later, rendering her lonely for an hour.
Then there was our event coordinator. She was a perfectly lovely gal aside from the fact that she kept incessantly telling us what to do and when. I feel like we spent a grand total of 25 minutes in the room all together. In that amount of time, we were expected to spend quality time together, shove some cupcakes in our mouths, wash it down with 3 bottles of champagne, and open gifts. Uh, unlikely. I felt like I was constantly being herded from one space to another. I haven't even gotten to the truly unfair part. Let's get to that now, shall we?
For my spa services, I chose to have a 90 minute massage and a spa pedicure. This place was expensive, but I thought, "hey, I get to spend a lot of time there hanging out and spending quality time with my friends." Uh, psych! Not so. I was still, however, holding on to the hope that 90 minutes of massage was enough to make up for anything else. Well, I wasn't counting on my massage being so violent that I was left with bruising, nausea, and a wicked headache. I started out face down. At first, it was pretty good. Then it started to feel really tender. Like my skin was starting to hurt. Then it felt like my kidneys were being crushed. BUT, I didn't want to seem like a total wuss, so I bit my lip and kept quiet. As I was asked to turn over, he said "So how is the pressure?" I decided I couldn't deal with another 45 minutes of torture, so I said "It was actually horrifically painful." At which point, I expected an apology and a change in the pressure...
Again, my expectations were totally shattered. Instead this is what I got: "Well, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most tense back I've ever seen, you are a 9. You need this. You'd be doing yourself a disservice by getting a 'frou frou' massage. You need this. It'll suck now, but you'll feel awesome in 72 hours." Uh, gee. Thanks. I love being told what to do when I'm getting an incredibly expensive massage the day of my birthday celebration. I didn't protest and continued to be beaten for what felt like an eternity. I literally had bruising on my arms, back, and neck. I don't often expect a "relaxing" day at the spa to leave me looking like the victim of domestic abuse. What was worse, is that I didn't drink enough water after this deep tissue massage and it left me feeling horrible for the rest of the day.
I managed to enjoy my delicious dinner at Ruth's Chris, but by the time I got to the bar, I mostly wanted to go home and crawl into bed, and pray that the pain/nausea would stop. Every single hug I received made me quiver in fear because just a simple squeeze or tap made my muscles scream in protest. It was horrific. It was even more horrific that I was having debilitating stomach cramps at a bar with 3 stalls in the women's room and only ONE with a door. Awesome.
In the end, I couldn't take it and I made Sudhir drive me home at an ungodly rate so I could make it to a bathroom in time. It was a humiliating end to what was supposed to be an epic night of celebration. I still had my actual birthday to look forward to. Sadly, that was overshadowed by snowpocalypse 2011. What was supposed to be a farewell/birthday happy hour turned into a smaller gathering of 15 coworkers and friends. The good news was that I had a blast anyway...
So in conclusion, my birthday wasn't what I had planned it to be. But then again, when has it ever been? Life is what happens while I'm busy making plans, right?
Right.
