People tend to guffaw when I wax-philosophical about getting old at the ripe age of 32, however, I feel like I have some legitimate observations on this topic. I was reading a book, "Water for Elephants", and the main character talks a lot about getting old and how it's difficult and subtle and before you know it, life has passed you by. Yeah, pretty depressing stuff...but it made some excellent points.
When you're young (i.e. before 30) and someone asks you how old you are, the answer pops into your head with surprising speed and accuracy. The younger you are, the more precise your description of age is. For example, 28 months, 3 and a half, 12 and three quarters, etc etc. Sometime after you turn 30, someone asks you how old you are and you start doing long arithmetic in your head trying to figure it out. I've certainly noticed it now that I'm over 30.
When you're in your 20s, life seems to be limitless and spread out before you. You think you have all the time in the world to travel, to enjoy marriage, to finally get in shape, to be healthier, to have kids. It's a pretty rude awakening when you realize that there actually is a ticking clock looming above your head.
As I was looking through some old pictures of me from college and grad school, I realized something. What the hell was I thinking feeling so bad about myself back then? I mean, I spent the vast majority of my time thinking I was too fat, had too big a nose, too flat a butt, too big of boobs, I was too tall, my hair was too frizzy, my skin was awful, etc etc. Truth is, if I could go back to those days, I would trade the me of my youth with the me of my present any day of the week. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20 but it would have been nice if someone was smart enough to tell me that it's pretty much all downhill from that point on.
Looking back, my youth was pretty fantastic. I just wish I would have spent more time appreciating it for what it was instead of always discounting it for what it wasn't. I look forward and all I see are struggles, to get healthy, lose weight, get pregnant, have a healthy pregnancy, etc. It's downright depressing.
So maybe, as a sanity check, I will try not to dwell on the past or obsess over the future. Instead, I'll focus on the here and now...Chances are, when I'm 50, I'm going to look back at my 32 year old self and be pissed that I didn't spend more time enjoying life as it was!
